Well looky-looky, wudja just look who’s back in town….
It’s me! I’m back in town! And the town, is Melbourne. For those of you who I don’t know, and who have not been subject to me reminiscing about/ lamenting for Melbourne over the last 3 years, let me briefly say that I used to live there for about 9 sweet months back in 2012/2013. I had the best time, met some wonderful people and pretty much could have stayed there forever if it wasn’t for the realisation that I should probably do something with my life, ideally something that would actually contribute to my future employment prospects. (Apparently being a terrible waitress with a killer smile just doesn’t cut the cheese these days)
Put into a word, what I love about Melbourne is the spirit. I think of it in the same way that America was thought of during the famine times; “The Land of The Free, The Land of Opportunity!!” Just take the other day when I was sitting in a cafe, googling “funniest puns ever” online. Normal everyday situation, until the waitress comes out near closing time and gives everyone a free loaf of bread, for no reason! And of course, in true Melbourne style all of us customers cheered and clinked our loaves like a couple of gluten-junkies who just got their fix. Tell me this and tell me no more, where else would such an occurrence happen?! Nowhere, that's where.
Exhibit A: Free loaf of bread.
But I have to admit, when I first arrived back to my beloved Melbourne after 3 years MIA it all felt a bit weird. So much had been drastically changed from what I once knew, but then lots of my old haunts had stayed - eerily - exactly the same too. I’m talking the same posters up on the same street walls, and the same people working in the same cafes (specifically one unforgettable girl who was even still wearing the same confronting toe socks & sandals combo that I used to wince at all those years ago).
The other thing that struck me was how I had forgotten about the Melbourne summer heat! SWEET MERCIFUL GOD IT WAS SO HOT. Let me give you a visual: walking around Melbourne in the 42°C heat feels like you’re walking around with someone constantly blowing a giant hairdryer in front of your whole body, on the highest temperature possible. I’d say the general effect wasn’t dis-similar to Mariah Carey circa 2010...
The other thing that struck me was how I had forgotten about the Melbourne summer heat! SWEET MERCIFUL GOD IT WAS SO HOT. Let me give you a visual: walking around Melbourne in the 42°C heat feels like you’re walking around with someone constantly blowing a giant hairdryer in front of your whole body, on the highest temperature possible. I’d say the general effect wasn’t dis-similar to Mariah Carey circa 2010...
Exhibit B: 33°C at 10pm.
So my plan upon arrival was to meet old friends and just generally get back in the swing of my old death-from-hipster-overload Melbournian life. But by-George, that heat totally sapped the energy out of me, to the point that the only way I could spend these hellfire days was by dragging my sweaty, swollen cankles from one cafe/ vegan homewares store to the next, until eventually I would be so full of soy lattes, savoury muffins and opinions on the pros & cons of faux-leather couches, that I’d have to waddle home for a much needed afternoon nap & debrief.
And while I was so pumped to see all my friends again and to tuck into Melbourne’s sensational foodie scene, it seemed that after a few days of long over-due catchups and eating more avocado than I ever thought possible (avocado on toast, avocado ice-cream, avocado smoothies, avocado mousse, fried avocado chips, avocado oil.. you get the picture), I kind of found myself in a slump. I suppose I forgot that these people aren't on a transatlantic voyage of self discovery like I am, they actually had their own lives to live which included 9-5 jobs and other general things that didn’t revolve around me.
So as a result. I was left largely to bask in my own glorious company during the majority of those long hot weekdays. And as an unforeseen curveball, it brought on one hard-hitting epiphany: for all the wonder and goodness that brunch brings to the world (and let’s be honest it does bring a lot of good), it turns out that a life spent thinking “where will I brunch today?” and “should I Instagram today's brunch, or is that going to make me look like a loner who uses brunch as a way to fill the void of human interaction?" is actually not the joyful, forkful existence I imagined it would be. It was the day when I realised I had spent more than 3 hours scouring TripAdvisor, Yelp and various cafe website menus in search of the perfect brunch location that I thought “Geraldine you brunching losebag, this is no way to live. It is high time that you buckle up your most supportive bra, slap on your most aerating socks, haul yourself out that hall door and start experiencing a world beyond brunch!"
So my plan upon arrival was to meet old friends and just generally get back in the swing of my old death-from-hipster-overload Melbournian life. But by-George, that heat totally sapped the energy out of me, to the point that the only way I could spend these hellfire days was by dragging my sweaty, swollen cankles from one cafe/ vegan homewares store to the next, until eventually I would be so full of soy lattes, savoury muffins and opinions on the pros & cons of faux-leather couches, that I’d have to waddle home for a much needed afternoon nap & debrief.
And while I was so pumped to see all my friends again and to tuck into Melbourne’s sensational foodie scene, it seemed that after a few days of long over-due catchups and eating more avocado than I ever thought possible (avocado on toast, avocado ice-cream, avocado smoothies, avocado mousse, fried avocado chips, avocado oil.. you get the picture), I kind of found myself in a slump. I suppose I forgot that these people aren't on a transatlantic voyage of self discovery like I am, they actually had their own lives to live which included 9-5 jobs and other general things that didn’t revolve around me.
So as a result. I was left largely to bask in my own glorious company during the majority of those long hot weekdays. And as an unforeseen curveball, it brought on one hard-hitting epiphany: for all the wonder and goodness that brunch brings to the world (and let’s be honest it does bring a lot of good), it turns out that a life spent thinking “where will I brunch today?” and “should I Instagram today's brunch, or is that going to make me look like a loner who uses brunch as a way to fill the void of human interaction?" is actually not the joyful, forkful existence I imagined it would be. It was the day when I realised I had spent more than 3 hours scouring TripAdvisor, Yelp and various cafe website menus in search of the perfect brunch location that I thought “Geraldine you brunching losebag, this is no way to live. It is high time that you buckle up your most supportive bra, slap on your most aerating socks, haul yourself out that hall door and start experiencing a world beyond brunch!"
Because no Melbourne brunch dish is complete without the inclusion of avocado in some form.
But I have to be honest, there was another issue that came into play which egged on this slight change of route… As much as I hate to write this down, I do feel an obligation to if I want this blog to remain truly authentic, so you could say that there was an alternative motive to my convenient stopover to Melbourne...
There. I said it. Oh god I can’t believe I’m writing this for the masses to read... (Or more realistically for my mum to read, and re-read, again... I’m not adverse to the reality of this blog’s hit rates)
Right, I’ll lay it out in a simple, objective 3rd party style so it’s more straightforward for you, and less humiliating for me.
Here goes:
You know where this is going.
BUT THEN
AND THEN
But I have to be honest, there was another issue that came into play which egged on this slight change of route… As much as I hate to write this down, I do feel an obligation to if I want this blog to remain truly authentic, so you could say that there was an alternative motive to my convenient stopover to Melbourne...
There. I said it. Oh god I can’t believe I’m writing this for the masses to read... (Or more realistically for my mum to read, and re-read, again... I’m not adverse to the reality of this blog’s hit rates)
Right, I’ll lay it out in a simple, objective 3rd party style so it’s more straightforward for you, and less humiliating for me.
Here goes:
- Irish girl minding her own business, living la vida loca in Melbourne.
- The year is 2013.
- Irish girl meets Aussie boy.
You know where this is going.
- BUT THEN
- Girl has to return to Ireland for sensible Trinity College course (which she ironically drops within weeks of returning home, only to take up whimsical, nonsensical artyfarty noone-knows-the-name-of-it DIT course instead)
- Skip along three years later.
- Both boy and girl have moved on.
BUT THEN
- Girl decides to go on big trip abroad
AND THEN
- Girl conjures up…. *notions*.
“It is important for girls to have notions, because without notions how are they ever going to envisage their true life path clearly?!”
-No One, Ever.
The girl’s notions vaguely consisted of her glorious return to the town of “Melbs”, recharged with a newfound sophistication, maturity and ambiguous 3rd level degree that she was sure would prove irresistible to ANY male (but specifically to said boy in said scenario). Safe to say there would be instant fireworks, relentless dreamy-eye-gazing, hand-holding, skipping and surely some carefree frolicking along Melbourne’s efficient tram track system. And of course there would be continuous begging - something along the lines of: “Never leave me again my sweet, angular-bodied, animated-facial-exression Celtic queen”
……
………..
…………….........................
I don’t think I need to elaborate further on the situation.
I assume my surly tone and “IM TOTALLY FINE, HAHAH NO SERIOUSLY I’M BETTER THAN FINE” use of all-caps has given you a slight inclination as to how things actually panned out in the end… Let’s just say that the fish did not bite the bait, that my ambiguous degree was not as swoon-worthy as I imagined it would be, and that by the time I left Melbourne I could count a total 0 occasions whereby I gleefully frolicked along that efficient tram-track.
But I do have to say one thing, and that is this: putting myself out there and making myself so openly vulnerable to rejection was one of the most liberating and exhilarating things I’ve genuinely ever done. Of course it was no bag of laughs at the time, but it kind of defogged my vision about life in general and made me see that rejection (whether by a latest crush, or equally by your sassy dog who just does not want to be seen out in public with you) can actually bring you down a way better path than certain “notions” originally envisaged.
(Just to be clear, I’m not advocating that people start swapping extreme sports for a bit of good old fashioned humiliation & heartbreak when searching for exhilaration and adventure)
...And that brings me swiftly on to the next chapter in the adventure. Because what does any sensible, straight-thinking, budget-conscious adult do when they find themselves in a mildly unfortunate situation such as this? Well they go and book a two-week trip to New Zealand’s south island, of course!!
Me? Scorned?? Never.
And so once again I shall leave you on a cliff hanger...
*pause for effect*
...**also pause for reassuring “it happens to the best of us” squeeze-of-the-shoulder, following by wincing smile and supportive adding-of-dating-app-to-my-phone**
Next post will discuss the realities of backpacker life during my trip around NZ and features many adventures, much ice cream, and one pretty significant new addition to my skin...
Me? Scorned?? Never.
And so once again I shall leave you on a cliff hanger...
*pause for effect*
...**also pause for reassuring “it happens to the best of us” squeeze-of-the-shoulder, following by wincing smile and supportive adding-of-dating-app-to-my-phone**
Next post will discuss the realities of backpacker life during my trip around NZ and features many adventures, much ice cream, and one pretty significant new addition to my skin...
Just as an FYI to any people thinking about venturing out to Melbourne any time soon, here are a few recommendations that immediately spring to mind:
Gertrude St Yoga: no tantric worming, no puddles of sweat -all very PC and appropriate.
Shebeen: Very cool, very ethical shanty-hut style bar
Naked In The Sky. Best view of the city you'll get! Lots of cool infused vodkas, but my recommendation is their Aubergine fries. *Note: This is not a nudeist bar and you don’t actually have to be naked to enter*
Victoria Market: great thing to do on the weekend. I'd recommend going later in the morning to avail of the end-of-trade deals (eg. $1 dollar bags full of fruit!)
Grocer: craaaayyyzy selections of ice-cream
Greens Refectory: best value brunch, lunch & cakes you'll find in Melbourne
Aunt Maggies health food shop: huge warehouse of a place with cute cafe-shack area down the back (also do fill-your-own kombucha taps!)
Teta Mona: Middle Eastern Place recommended to me by ACTUAL middle eastern people, so you know it's legit.
Argos Loves Company: very quirky cafe on Brunswick Street. Just go to Brunswick Street in general!!!!
Rathdown Village. The cutest goddam village in Melbourne for sure. Brunch your way into oblivion here and let the Italian-inspired brunch sweats take hold
Madame Brussels: one-of-a-kind kitsch cocktail place that you'll never forget
Smith & Daughters: vegan Mexican place on Brunswick street, this is coming from someone who is neither vegan, nor very keen on Mexican food in general. Go and be wowed by their whopper servings.
Mrs Parma: probably the biggest “parma” (chicken/ aubergine parmigiana) you'll get in town. Many people don't know this but they also so bottomless fries and side salad so you could totally do a one-between-two job and leave fully satisfied and full of bargain-dinner smugness
Outdoor cinema: Melbourne has loads of them, ranging from rooftop cinemas, beach cinemas, botanical garden cinemas... They do it all!!
Messina: when I first saw it I thought it was a hip-n-happnin' club, but it just turns out it's a hip-n-happnin' ice cream place with dark lights, loud music, and sensational flavours
Side note: Feel free to stalk me *in the strictly social media sense* by following my daily activities on The Gram !
Gertrude St Yoga: no tantric worming, no puddles of sweat -all very PC and appropriate.
Shebeen: Very cool, very ethical shanty-hut style bar
Naked In The Sky. Best view of the city you'll get! Lots of cool infused vodkas, but my recommendation is their Aubergine fries. *Note: This is not a nudeist bar and you don’t actually have to be naked to enter*
Victoria Market: great thing to do on the weekend. I'd recommend going later in the morning to avail of the end-of-trade deals (eg. $1 dollar bags full of fruit!)
Grocer: craaaayyyzy selections of ice-cream
Greens Refectory: best value brunch, lunch & cakes you'll find in Melbourne
Aunt Maggies health food shop: huge warehouse of a place with cute cafe-shack area down the back (also do fill-your-own kombucha taps!)
Teta Mona: Middle Eastern Place recommended to me by ACTUAL middle eastern people, so you know it's legit.
Argos Loves Company: very quirky cafe on Brunswick Street. Just go to Brunswick Street in general!!!!
Rathdown Village. The cutest goddam village in Melbourne for sure. Brunch your way into oblivion here and let the Italian-inspired brunch sweats take hold
Madame Brussels: one-of-a-kind kitsch cocktail place that you'll never forget
Smith & Daughters: vegan Mexican place on Brunswick street, this is coming from someone who is neither vegan, nor very keen on Mexican food in general. Go and be wowed by their whopper servings.
Mrs Parma: probably the biggest “parma” (chicken/ aubergine parmigiana) you'll get in town. Many people don't know this but they also so bottomless fries and side salad so you could totally do a one-between-two job and leave fully satisfied and full of bargain-dinner smugness
Outdoor cinema: Melbourne has loads of them, ranging from rooftop cinemas, beach cinemas, botanical garden cinemas... They do it all!!
Messina: when I first saw it I thought it was a hip-n-happnin' club, but it just turns out it's a hip-n-happnin' ice cream place with dark lights, loud music, and sensational flavours
Side note: Feel free to stalk me *in the strictly social media sense* by following my daily activities on The Gram !